I decided it is time to tell you about something that i am kind of ashamed about...
making myself sick to lose weight.
When i was in gr8 i stopped taking my insulin - but not so i would lose weight.
I just was sick ofinjections, tests. I didn't want my newteachers or friends to know i was a diabetic - and being skinny was just a bonus for a high school girl trying to fit in.

Then one afternoon on a dr Phil show they had a girl with diabulimia...this scared me, it was what i was doing i just didn't now it.
so after that i started taking my shots again right?
Wrong! Easier said than done.
Weight loss was a thrill ride for me, and i didn't know how to get off. Soon i started making myself throw-up after eating. I was on cloud no9!

Then a friend caught me throwing up, she told a teacher and with my permission she told my mom who got me the right help.

I started taking shots again, but today when i look in the mirror and i remember how skinny i was - it hurts...i want to be that skinny girl again. Sometimes the risk of going blind or loosing kidney function doesn't scare me. But dying alone...that scares the shit out of me!

So now i am trying to get my sugars under contro, eat healthy and take my shots. Its not eaasy, i haven't told my parents about not taking shots, have to sort that out on my own, meaning i am not sure about how much insulin i need to take when. I'll start it off on 10 units before meals and see where it takes me. Checking sugars regularly to avoid hipos.

Didn't see my friend this week, she had other stuff to do, will properbly see her next week,
this gives me more time to prepare.
ft
My bg has been all over the place this last week - might be stressing out about seeing my high school friend.

 Went to visit my grandma yesterday, she has type 2 diabetes and understands me the best,  sad to know that she won't always be there. She is starting to forget things and getting things mixed up!

Almost didn't go to visit her. I was sick, could not eat anything. Drank bits of water and managed to drink meds for the nausea.
Still not feeling myself...will keep an eye on my bg, really don't want to end up in hosp.

To add to it all, it seems i have been suspended from twitter, not sure why but I have send them an enquiry, hope to sort it out soon, I feel lostwithout it - only why (other than facebook) that I keep intouch with my online diabetic friends.

Just watched the Oscar Pistorius case again, feel so bad for the guy. I truely believe he thought itwas an introdur he was shooting at - not his girlfriend. This got me wondering about diabetics in prision? Do they get special meals, the right meds and what happens when they have a hypo? Are they able to get sugar quicq enough?

Other news- I am considering an insulin pump!